I remember in high school, I went out with this girl. Her name shall stay nameless, but she was the love of my life. Well at least I thought she was. We spent a lot time together, we experienced a lot of things together. Long story short, I asked her one day, why does you love me, and she said "idk I just do". While I'm thinking about it now, I really didn't know why I loved her either. We broke up after about to years. I still loved her, idk y I loved her but I did. I think she still loved me to, idk why she did either but, she did. I wanted to be with her again. I ain't know why I wanted to be with her. I just knew that, whenever I tried to spark something with someone else, I would just stop after a while. Or I convinced myself they just wasn't good enough. Idk why though, they were great girls, great people, had a lot of stuff going for em. But it just didn't feel right. I wanted her. I wanted the girl, the love of my life, the one from high school. But I didn't know why I loved her, I'm not afraid to stay that I don't even know what love is. There was a point in time when I saw her and I just despised the person she was. I couldn't stand looking at her face. But that was only temporary cause most of the time, when I saw her, i would get depressed. I would start to think about all the car rides, all the track meets, all of the walks to through the hallways, all of the shows we use to watch together, how she use to pick the deodrant out of my armpits lol, all of the new food she showed me (especially the mac and cheese she made "velvetto"), all of the nights I use to sneak over and watch tv, sneaking over while she was babysitting, the trips to Walmart, basically I use to think about all the things we did together. I just wantef to get her attention, so that I could say hi, so I could be like I miss you in a way she knew my words was true. But instead I pretended like she didn't exist. Which was stupid, a terrible decision. But I make bad decisions all the time. Idk she probably been through a lot and changed since then, people change, I've changed, but I don't really care. I just want us to be together again. I'm in bed alone. I'm sad .... Yeah, sad, not depressed. I want my girlfriend back. That is what she was, a girl who was my friend. We had a friendship that I have never had before. In that is why I loved her. I loved her because she was my best friend, who I trusted more then anybody else. I loved her because she was the one person who was always there for me. I loved her because I could always be with her without worrying if she really wanted me around. I loved her because, being with her, was natural, I could anything with her being ok with it. Truthfully, we may not be together to the rest of the world, but in my head, we are just taking a break. Until we get back together. I ask myself right now at 1:00 a.m. what is love. My answer is love is you. Everything I do with and for you, is love. Love is different for everybody. Love is what you make of it. I call love her, and if she read this or not, I hope she always remembers I will love you until the end of time. I will always be there for you just like I said I would. You will always be my best friend, I haven't found anybody that can replace you, not one person.
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