That is what you are to me. Well at least what I want you to be to me. I want you to be there for me at all time. I want to tell you all my thoughts. I want you to take my thoughts and tell me what you think later. I want us to be able to be around each other at all times. Like we was family. I want you to feel how much I care for you. Understand that you will be my homie for life. That you are the one person who can always help when I can not satisfy myself. I want you to be able to sense my pain even before I do myself. I want you to be the one who can bring the tears back in my life. But not because of sadness, but because I am so happy I can't contain the emotion of happiness anymore .... Nah fuck that, I don't want to control my emotions anymore. I want you the be the best, person I can share my potential with. I want you to be the person who brings the desire of life back into me, cause right now I don't know what to live for. Can you help make that thing you.
Sunday, December 4, 2011
So bad
Why dont you love me. Why cant you come back to me. I'm so sorry, I hurt you in the past. I fucked up, so I'm always fucked up now. Trying to make myself forget about who I was and become someone that you want. I want you in my life so bad. I want you by side. But you are never there, and I become depressed. Lost in my memories of you. Trapped and my present without you. Afraid of a future without us. I want to kill myself cause I do not.know what to live for. I want to live for our relationship. I want to live for our love. I want to live for you and everything that you do. I don't care if you drop out and live on the street as a bum for the rest of your life. I want to be there supporting you. I want us to support each and everything that we do. I want to tell you my dreams and make yours mine to. I want us to become in embodiment of each other. I know I'm losing everything that was me. I don't want it to go. I'm trying as hard as I can. I don't know what else I could do. I just want it to be me and you.
My thoughts
I don't know what I want anymore, I don't know anything. All I know is that I need you in my life. But you don't want me. It kills me so bad. I can't move on. I don't want to find anybody else. I only want you. I need you so bad, I don't care about the stories, I don't care about what you did. I just need you, so bad .... So bad. I'm afraid so afraid and you really are the only person that can support me the only person that can help me live and without, if I truly lose you, I will have failed. I will he dead. I won't be Chris anymore, I only go out to learn what pleasure you get, I drink to understand what goes through your mind as a drinker, I smoke to see what abandoned you and why they would do so. Without you I am weak, you are the only one who can make me strong. I will do anything to have you in my life. Please be mine, please.
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
My prediction
"Killing You Softly" the title of my newest project. I'm working hard on writing, recording, mixing, mastering and choosing the right songs for this project. Once it is finished, I'm pushing this Mixtape harder then anything I have before. I'm doing everything according to plan. I'm not working for people, I'm making the people work for me. When I say people I'm not taking bout people like c-rein. I'm taking about people in the industry. Right now I have things they want me to do. I'm not doing it the way they would like it done. This is because they haven't done what I wanted. Which is do what they say they would. In since I'm not in there same location it will stay like that till it happens. That's fine. My prediction, finish "Killing You Softly" make them find me places to perform. Pass the cd out to my closest friends. After my closest friends a week later, to my associate, after my associate to, people who helped me work on the Mixtape (the other artist), after them regular people. It will either hit or it will miss. Either way I will have a buzz. After the buzz, I will start on my next project. It will be a album called "The Mixtape" I will release one single. While I'm working on "The Mixtape" I will release an actual Mixtape called "Lost In My Headphones" full of all the songs that did not make the Mixtape. Once that is finished. I will be on top. Remember me as I am and remember this day, for I will never be the same once 2012 begins. The person who you all know will be dead.
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Today is the day of change
I'm trying something new for the whole year next year, but I had to do some financial things first and these next 6 weeks to make sure I can do it, on paper it looks good, but let's see how it really is gonna go. I also noticed the sudden change in the people around me, its like a different aura, I wonder what has changed, is it me, or is it them. But in other news I really can't take the feeling of being around her normally, I just want to, take her and her whole being and make it mine, cause i feel like, she is the only one who fill the void that leaves me incomplete. I can't even look into her eyes, and not feel the same as I once had in the past.
Monday, November 7, 2011
Turning bad things into good ones
Today started off rough, my front right tire blew out on the way to school, I missed the shuttle, lost a piece of paper for my presentation and was late to my test. But good thing is I felt like I did good on my test and presentation. Practice was great to. I feel like I'm starting to get a good grasp on life now. I'm living my days to the fullest potential so my tomorrow can be at its best, I feel like the past is just present sorrows, not that everything in the past is bad, but that the past has things that we can learn from, and if we take what our best was from yesterday and make it better today then the future has no choice but to be good.