Studio

Just woke up 30 minutes ago. I was in the studio hard with Cassius, Frankie and Caezar last night. Ain't go to bed to 7 in the morning and I'm about to be at it all night again. Might had out tonight and go ham.

Starting Up Again

I'm gonna try and do this blog thing again. Today I've been dreaming and realizing my own potential I made it through 2012. I made it through this semester. Now I gotta dominate this track season while continuing to work on my future.

Peace
Chris Maxwell

Check out the new video

Mastermind

Here is the new mixtape Mastermind, Enjoy.

Download Mixtape | Free Mixtapes Powered by DatPiff.com

Do it

I just tweeted this, but the most important thing I learned in 2011 was, if you wanted to do something or want to be something, just do it.  It really that simple.  We all say that, I want to do this or I wanna be this or I wish I could do this.  But never make an effort to do, or do it, then fail and never try again.  Just because you fail once, doesn't mean quit.  The best athlete, musician, coach or even doctor wasn't born the best.  They tried, they did good sometimes and they failed sometimes, but they never stop trying.  Then one day they was named the best.  Now not everyone wants to be the best.  But everybody wants to do something.  Whatever you wanna do, go do it. Make it become your reality, instead of a dream.

Late night thoughts

I'm not for this shit. You either stick.to.your commit.or I.kidnap you.  I'm dead ass right now.  Lord please forgive, this is the only way I can think of to keep her here now and until the day I die.  Why tell me she is the one and not have her be the one. Or were you saying she is the one I need to erase.  I can't erase her, I am to human.  You are the only one who can do that not me.

Don't worry, I got you.

I love, and the love is not benefiting me in anyway.  I need to stop loving. I need to stop caring.  I need to starting becoming selfish.  Make 2012 the beginning for the life of self satisfication for Chris Maxwell.  Nobody else expect for you kids.

Last night = mental break down

I think last night I had an emotional break down.  Well actually, I know last night I had an emotional break down.  All of my sadness, reach its limit last night. I don't like the way that felt at all. But I think I needed it.  I woke up this morning still kind of sad but, feeling way better.

Stress reliever

People say crying is one of the best ways to release all those negative emotions.  Well, I guess I really need to cry then.  I remember when I was younger, a lady, I think she was a relative, told me "stop crying, the only time you should cry is in times of happiness".  From then on I tried to stop being such a cry baby about everything.  I haven't cried since my grandfather died in the 7th grade.  I use to love him to death.  At his funeral my aunt terry said "don't waste your tears on him, he is in a better place." I told myself from then on, I will not ever cry again. Well now I'm a junior in college and I've cried once since then.  I don't remember what it feels like though. I think a reason why I do not cry anymore is because, I don't have anybody to cry to.  I can truthfully say there is not one person on earth, that I can trust my weakness moment with.  I no friend no family member.  There is a person who I want to be the one I can trust all of me into.  But I feel like I have lost her.  I had a pop up quiz and failed. Now idk if I will still get a passing grade.  I feel like, she got pushed to the edge, and said fuck it. When I'm at the edge sign 6 feet by creed talking bout it ain't so far down.  Know that once I take that step off I'm dead.  The real question is do I wanna die.  Do I want to continue living the rest of my life, tearless.  Or do I want to go get fixed, and be able to cry once more.  I know my purpose, I just need a reason

I feel

I feel so depressed.  I been depressed for a while.  I feel like I don't have anything to live for.  You can say you got your education, you got track, but I don't wanna live for that.  I wanna live for love.  Right now I feel so separated from everybody.  I feel like, everybody has at least one person who makes them feel good and they can just talk to all day.  I don't have anyone.  My friends all have current attractions. People I would like to meet, or attracted to, already have somebody.  While I'm always, the number two guy.  The backup, the you just at the wrong time guy.  I know my purpose, but right now I need a reason. All I need is a reason.

Love = RDP

I remember in high school, I went out with this girl.  Her name shall stay nameless, but she was the love of my life.  Well at least I thought she was.  We spent a lot time together, we experienced a lot of things together.  Long story short, I asked her one day, why does you love me, and she said "idk I just do". While I'm thinking about it now, I really didn't know why I loved her either.  We broke up after about to years.  I still loved her, idk y I loved her but I did.  I think she still loved me to, idk why she did either but, she did.  I wanted to be with her again. I ain't know why I wanted to be with her.  I just knew that, whenever I tried to spark something with someone else, I would just stop after a while.  Or I convinced myself they just wasn't good enough. Idk why though, they were great girls, great people, had a lot of stuff going for em. But it just didn't feel right.  I wanted her. I wanted the girl, the love of my life, the one from high school.  But I didn't know why I loved her, I'm not afraid to stay that I don't even know what love is.  There was a point in time when I saw her and I just despised the person she was.  I couldn't stand looking at her face.  But that was only temporary cause most of the time, when I saw her, i would get depressed.  I would start to think about all the car rides, all the track meets, all of the walks to through the hallways, all of the shows we use to watch together, how she use to pick the deodrant out of my armpits lol, all of the new food she showed me (especially the mac and cheese she made "velvetto"), all of the nights I use to sneak over and watch tv, sneaking over while she was babysitting, the trips to Walmart, basically I use to think about all the things we did together. I just wantef to get her attention, so that I could say hi, so I could be like I miss you in a way she knew my words was true.  But instead I pretended like she didn't exist.  Which was stupid, a terrible decision.  But I make bad decisions all the time. Idk she probably been through a lot and changed since then, people change, I've changed, but I don't really care.  I just want us to be together again.  I'm in bed alone. I'm sad .... Yeah, sad, not depressed. I want my girlfriend back.  That is what she was, a girl who was my friend.  We had a friendship that I have never had before.  In that is why I loved her. I loved her because she was my best friend, who I trusted more then anybody else.  I loved her because she was the one person who was always there for me. I loved her because I could always be with her without worrying if she really wanted me around. I loved her because, being with her, was natural, I could anything with her being ok with it.  Truthfully, we may not be together to the rest of the world, but in my head, we are just taking a break.  Until we get back together.  I ask myself right now at 1:00 a.m. what is love.  My answer is love is you. Everything I do with and for you, is love.  Love is different for everybody.  Love is what you make of it.  I call love her, and if she read this or not, I hope she always remembers I will love you until the end of time.  I will always be there for you just like I said I would. You will always be my best friend, I haven't found anybody that can replace you, not one person.

Love ?

I dont like the person I am because you don't like the person I am.  I ask myself, what is so wrong with me. Why can't you just love me. I try to forget who I am so I can become what you want. No matter how messed up I get I always remember

Simple As That

I would get rid of it all, if I'm gaining you. Cause if I had you, I would have it all.

Waiting

I am caged up, keeping myself back waiting you for. When you have already opened up the cage and ran away.  You and me are in different places right now.  But the saying is, a lost dog will always find its way home.  So are you apart of my home or am I apart of yours. Maybe we just don't live in the same home.  Maybe one of us got put up for adoption. Looking for a new family, or maybe we don't like that we are apart of this family and waiting for someone to take us away.  

Best friend

That is what you are to me.  Well at least what I want you to be to me.  I want you to be there for me at all time.  I want to tell you all my thoughts.  I want you to take my thoughts and tell me what you think later.  I want us to be able to be around each other at all times. Like we was family.  I want you to feel how much I care for you. Understand that you will be my homie for life.  That you are the one person who can always help when I can not satisfy myself.  I want you to be able to sense my pain even before I do myself. I want you to be the one who can bring the tears back in my life.  But not because of sadness, but because I am so happy I can't contain the emotion of happiness anymore .... Nah fuck that, I don't want to control my emotions anymore.  I want you the be the best, person I can share my potential with. I want you to be the person who brings the desire of life back into me, cause right now I don't know what to live for.  Can you help make that thing you.

So bad

Why dont you love me.  Why cant you come back to me.  I'm so sorry, I hurt you in the past.  I fucked up, so I'm always fucked up now.  Trying to make myself forget about who I was and become someone that you want.  I want you in my life so bad. I want you by side. But you are never there, and I become depressed.  Lost in my memories of you.  Trapped and my present without you.  Afraid of a future without us.  I want to kill myself cause I do not.know what to live for.  I want to live for our relationship.  I want to live for our love.  I want to live for you and everything that you do.  I don't care if you drop out and live on the street as a bum for the rest of your life. I want to be there supporting you. I want us to support each and everything that we do.  I want to tell you my dreams and make yours mine to.  I want us to become in embodiment of each other.  I know I'm losing everything that was me.  I don't want it to go.  I'm trying as hard as I can.  I don't know what else I could do.  I just want it to be me and you.

My thoughts

I don't know what I want anymore, I don't know anything. All I know is that I need you in my life. But you don't want me. It kills me so bad. I can't move on. I don't want to find anybody else. I only want you. I need you so bad, I don't care about the stories, I don't care about what you did. I just need you, so bad .... So bad. I'm afraid so afraid and you really are the only person that can support me the only person that can help me live and without, if I truly lose you, I will have failed. I will he dead. I won't be Chris anymore, I only go out to learn what pleasure you get, I drink to understand what goes through your mind as a drinker, I smoke to see what abandoned you and why they would do so.  Without you I am weak, you are the only one who can make me strong. I will do anything to have you in my life. Please be mine, please. 

My prediction

"Killing You Softly" the title of my newest project.  I'm working hard on writing, recording, mixing, mastering and choosing the right songs for this project.  Once it is finished, I'm pushing this Mixtape harder then anything I have before.  I'm doing everything according to plan.  I'm not working for people, I'm making the people work for me.  When I say people I'm not taking bout people like c-rein. I'm taking about people in the industry.  Right now I have things they want me to do.  I'm not doing it the way they would like it done.  This is because they haven't done what I wanted.  Which is do what they say they would.  In since I'm not in there same location it will stay like that till it happens.  That's fine.  My prediction, finish "Killing You Softly" make them find me places to perform.  Pass the cd out to my closest friends.  After my closest friends a week later, to my associate, after my associate to, people who helped me work on the Mixtape (the other artist), after them regular people.  It will either hit or it will miss.  Either way I will have a buzz.  After the buzz, I will start on my next project.  It will be a album called "The Mixtape" I will release one single.  While I'm working on "The Mixtape" I will release an actual Mixtape called "Lost In My Headphones" full of all the songs that did not make the Mixtape.  Once that is finished.  I will be on top. Remember me as I am and remember this day, for I will never be the same once 2012 begins.  The person who you all know will be dead. 

Today is the day of change

I'm trying something new for the whole year next year, but I had to do some financial things first and these next 6 weeks to make sure I can do it, on paper it looks good, but let's see how it really is gonna go.  I also noticed the sudden change in the people around me, its like a different aura, I wonder what has changed, is it me, or is it them. But in other news I really can't take the feeling of being around her normally, I just want to, take her and her whole being and make it mine, cause i feel like, she is the only one who fill the void that leaves me incomplete.  I can't even look into her eyes, and not feel the same as I once had in the past.

Turning bad things into good ones

Today started off rough, my front right tire blew out on the way to school, I missed the shuttle, lost a piece of paper for my presentation and was late to my test.  But good thing is I felt like I did good on my test and presentation. Practice was great to. I feel like I'm starting to get a good grasp on life now. I'm living my days to the fullest potential so my tomorrow can be at its best, I feel like the past is just present sorrows, not that everything in the past is bad, but that the past has things that we can learn from, and if we take what our best was from yesterday and make it better today then the future has no choice but to be good.